Alone

Surrounded by blackness of the night, here I am. Eyes not that wide open since I'm sleepy. But awake, because of the banging, stabbing pain in my head. It's been gone for months now. Suddenly it came back with all its might and power.

I'm not stronger this time. I must say.

Like right now. I feel so alone.

People say its times like these that Allah wants to call out to you.  Just His way of saying "I'm here". But when it really does come to times like these, with my physical pain, and inner pain from the thoughts of being lonely, being alone struggling this pain, and no one understanding what I have to go through. It's hard to remember that Allah is calling out to me. It's hard to remember that this is the best time to be talking to Him. It's hard to know that friends are at least trying to understand and be here for me. It's hard to remember that family and friends are worried sick about me and the fact that Allah has sent me so many people to be here for me.

It's times like these, with this banging, stabbing pain, like some ruthless animal is ripping through my brains, is the time that I feel so alone.

Oh, and trust me when I say I'm not exaggerating describing my pain.