Takpe. Nak buat jugak post pasal kawin. Dah ni yang ada dalam fikiran sekarang (Ngaku je).
I want to be happy after marriage.
I want to be happy with my husband.
I want him to be happy with me.
I want us both to have the same goals and be happy until Jannah.
I want us to be happy for the sake of Allah.
But,
That's not an easy thing to achieve.
The real happiness I mean.
The serene sort of happy.
Not just the fun happy.
Happy yang tenang, bukan happy yang seronok semata.
If the goal of marriage is based on the things that are halal to do after marriage and based on the fun of nafs, then the marriage doesn't get far, nauzubilLah.
To build a baitul muslim is not easy.
I've seen it.
How temporary and how short the happiness is for many married couples and people get to the tolerance stage so fast it seems so sad and miserable.
"To get what you love you must be patient with what you hate"
Allah tests me.
I'm put in a position, where I have feelings for someone who is not yet halal for me.
The bigger test. He likes me too.
To get that happiness, I have to endure the pain of holding this feeling, and having to endure the pricks and pains of the efforts to make this feeling pure.
I'd hate to not be in touch,
I'd hate for him to not be there for me as he always have,
I'd hate that he can't put me to sleep anymore,
I'd hate to not hear him sing his songs,
I'd hate to not hear him recite the Quran,
I'd hate to not hear his struggles to not say "Saya sayang awak".
But,
I want to want him for the sake of Allah and I want him to want me for the sake of Allah.
This is tough.
Don't get me wrong, when I read this bigger things do come to mind. Like, how hard this life gets and the things we have to endure to get what we love: Allah.
It's just that I want to share this specific piece of my life I'm struggling through.
